FF: Balancing micro delight and macro despair

How I try to keep my WTF IS THIS SH*T impulse from ruining public events

At almost every multi-day conference I attend (or sometimes, present at or MC!) I go on a similar journey with my energy. The first rush of excitement and enjoyment is what I call ‘micro delight’ which comes with thoughts like:

• These people are great!

• I’m energised by these ideas!

• This work is really important stuff!

I’m buzzing at seeing the great work people are doing, loving the speakers, and enjoying the magic that happens when you get lots of passionate people in a room together.

Then, almost invariably, over time, a cloud starts creeping in. My social justice radar starts going off as I look around the room. In a spare moment, I’ll count the women on stage or in seats. Mid panel, I’ll notice how few BIPOC speakers and ideas are represented. I watch the cringey token nods to ‘diversity’ or ‘cultural competence’ and my yuck radar starts to ping.

I’ll see an inspired keynote about tackling the climate crisis, shifting traditional economic models, or implementing the 4 day work week followed by myopic audience questions about quarterly cash-flows or daily time management.

At these points, the macro-despair starts to flare. This state comes with thoughts like:

• The system is fundamentally flawed!

• Where is the kind of integrated long-termism that will actually change the game?!

• Why do we lack the capacity to move away from corporate tokenism and toward meaning?!

And so on.

I haven’t nailed my approach to dealing with this yet, but I am getting better at noticing the point at which the two circles start to intersect.

The best way I’ve discovered to handle the encroaching cloud of doom, so far, is to channel some of my feelings into useful discussion - before my Inner Cynic hosts a hostile takeover and ruins the day. Here’s a Venn diagram to illustrate my strategy: